drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
