In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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