It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize