At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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