He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
