you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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