thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
