it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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