She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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