It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
