I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
