Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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