you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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