i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
