Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
