They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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