Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
