Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
