I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
