I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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