I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
