we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
