Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
