I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
