Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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