I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
