You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
