is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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