when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
A bitchslap is in order.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
