He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
