I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
