The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize