i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
