Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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