Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize