Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
