I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
