Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
