every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
