Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize