If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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