how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
