now i know why i became what i already was.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
