Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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