so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
