I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
