I wish I only lived at night.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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