Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
