I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
