She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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