Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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