that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize