i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
