O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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