Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize