Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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