Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
