i think my tv is drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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