I am puke
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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