im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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