My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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