dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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