I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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