I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
