i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize