FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
