So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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