i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
