My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
