it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
