Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
