my text book just quoted the cookie monster
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
