No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
