absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
