She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize