Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
