And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
