I love having hate sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I need water and some morals
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
